I've had other foods be my lover. True story, I once had an orgasm in a seafood restaurant over plain cheesecake. This happened in front of my grandmother and mother and everyone. It must have been so annoying for everyone to witness the stupid eighteen year old moaning like Meg Ryan at the dinner table. I felt so dirty, but no regrets whatsoever. That was a damn fine cheesecake.
I also had ... feelings eating a Twix straight from the freezer after eating nothing but clean food for weeks. Maybe I have a problem? Or maybe I'm just amazing.
You know what else is amazing? Cheese. Last night I whipped up an egg and cheese "pizza crust" I saw on the internet. Unfortunately I did not use any cooking spray and it stuck right to the pizza pan. That was dumb. I ended up scraping off the top layer anyway and eating it because cheese. I can always buy another pizza pan and not be a dumbass about cooking. Plus, I stabbed my thumb with a fork trying to get that crap off the pizza pan so it's a lost cause.
When I announced that I was going low-carb, some of my fitness enthusiast friends had many questions. I was interrogated about my choices. All I can say is that the best thing I can do for myself is stick to it. In two weeks I can have peanut butter and in three weeks I can have low-glycemic fruit, as long as I keep losing weight. Right now I can have tomatoes, 4 oz. cheese a day, and I can eat cream cheese.
I just had a shiver at the thought of cream cheese.
I suppose food becomes so much more exciting when you're a little more focused on it.
I cannot stop pinning recipes. This is ridiculous.
So I went to Zumba on Monday night. This was my very first floor Zumba class. Previously I took Aqua Zumba at my local swim center back in 2011, but school got in the way of my fitness and I quit going to the swim center.
School got in the way of my Atkins diet as well! I went from eating mostly kale to mostly Atkins bars. I've decided to not eat Atkins bars at all this time unless I can learn to bake them myself.
Anyway my first Zumba class was hilarious. Our teacher looks like a cross between Diane Keaton and Meryl Streep with Madonna's body. She wore one of those belly dancing sarongs with the tiny bells over her workout clothes. I was front row center since this was my first time and I wanted a lot of room to knock around clumsily.
My favorite part of the class was that she was trying to teach a group of mostly geriatrics to do body wave and she described it as a "stripper pole" move. Much of our class was spent trying to perfect that dip of the chest into our rib cage, that squat, that flip of the hair.
I felt like Beyoncé.
The next class is tonight and supposedly she might bring sarongs for the rest of us. I have no ass to hang it on, so we'll see how that works out.