Monday, September 29, 2014


Hi Blog!

I'm going to do a thing where I write whatever the fuck I want here and if you read it, cool.  Because otherwise I'm going to keep forgetting I can do that.  Sometimes we just have to remind ourselves!

I remember back when I was nineteen I still had my shitty computer from 1996 that was all big and bulky.  I did all my LiveJournal updating from a desk in a quiet room.  I updated mornings, evenings, and when I wasn't at home I updated in between classes and sometimes I would sneak on at work to update.

I was really lonely! And I was really worried that I was fat whether I was 135 lbs or 185 lbs.

Speaking of which ...


On September 7th when I came home from Ocean City, I weighed 236.8 lbs. That was my highest weight ever.

And I wouldn't have minded. My boobs were looking pretty good, that's for damn sure. 

Alas, I had to make a change. I was suffering from various health problems and energy issues. I had severe acid reflux attacks, I could not walk without having to stop to rest, and my walk was more waddle than walk. To be fair, I had just returned from living on a diet of funnel cake, pizza, and ice cream in a frenzied last hurrah. Still, I could no longer get away with having a diet with little to no vegetables in it while laying around and sleeping all my evenings away. Cheetos are not a vegetable, not when you're managing bipolar disorder with Depakote.

So I went on the Atkins diet, lost a quick 9 lbs, and felt a little bit better in my clothes. Bye bye, daily Cheeto fix!  Bye bye cookies for breakfast!  Bye bye pizza delivery guy assuming all the orders in our building were for my address! (Try next door, buddy!)

How have I been since then?

For the last 20 days I've been eating an excess of vegetables (at least a bag of salad a day along with a few cups of broccoli and some tomatoes) with adding some lean protein, full-fat cheeses, saturated and healthy fats to my diet.  Most people when they think of Atkins think bacon. I've had some bacon, but not vast amounts.  I've eaten way more broccoli than bacon.


I think the only thing about what I've been eating that is probably terrible is that I use artificial sweeteners. It's something I need to ween myself off of slowly. I use them in moderation, but I should probably not being using them at all since they seem to lead me to want to eat things like cake. 

It started innocently enough. I like a packet of Stevia in my cream cheese pancake batter.  I also drink the occasional Diet Rite, which has sucralose--which for some people with certain sensitive gut bacteria can stall weight loss.  I also have been enjoying sugar-free candy, two pieces a day, but they give me the bubble guts.

Then I made a huge mistake!

One thing I swore I would not resort to on this diet was relying on Atkins bars. Last week I had jury duty. 

Can I say right now that jury duty is the worst and my personal nightmare?  They trap you for six hours in a room with 250 other people and you're not allowed to go outside except for your lunch break.  NO THANKS.

Anyway I totally cheated. During my week of jury duty I broke down and ate some Atkins bars because I was afraid everyone would complain if I whipped out my packet of tuna. I was okay eating my vegetables, but I needed something more substantial and I ended eating three Atkins bars while waiting for them to dismiss us for lunch. Earlier that week I had already cheated on my diet by eating a big bowl of cereal as well as having the wrong kind of sauce on my hot wings. Oh, and I had a handful of Cheetos. By the end of the week I was almost back up to 230, but I quickly got back on track by adding more salads as snacks. Today I'm 227.1 and losing. 


I can't believe how easy to make some of the shit I get to eat is. Basically every recipe I like involves eggs. Beat some eggs and add rando ingredients to it like cream or cheese and eventually you can have pizza crust, crepes, quiche, whatever the fuck you want, apparently, I don't care. And it doesn't even taste like an omelet is the baffling part. You'd think that cream cheese mixed with eggs to make a crepe would taste like an omelet, but it tastes like a crepe.  Makes no sense to me either. It's a damned miracle.

Parmesan Broccoli Egg Muffins/Mini Quiches

Thin Egg/Cheese Crust Pizza/Quiche

Cream Cheese Crepes
Thank you Pinterest! I basically would just be gnawing off of a rotisserie chicken in the fridge if it wasn't for that website.


Amazingly, for the first time in a long time I feel like my old self. I still walk a little slow, but I go to Zumba class twice a week and I try to get in some activity the other days of the week. Some days I've gone outside for a short recreational walk, and the other night I went out with friends and danced a bunch. I also like to play with my cat, which often involves chasing her around the house with a feather stick that she likes to destroy.

I have a lot more energy now for the first time since my manic episode ended back in May. And thankfully it's not the talkative, nervous, noisy brain energy that mania brings.  It's just enough energy to do the things I need to do, plus a little extra to do fun things like exercise and do basic chores.

This is only the beginning.  We shall see what the next month brings. I'll be spending mine eating a lot of cheese and not a lot of Cheetos.


  1. Okay....not gonna lie..the food looks AMAZING. :)

    1. It's awesome. I eat my fair share of salads too, but you can't just eat steak and salad all the time. The pizza is my favorite thing ever. I can't believe how well the crust holds up to me eating it with my hands considering it's just baked cheese and egg. I'm very enthusiastic about it.