Monday, August 4, 2014

Open Letter to August

Dear August,

I have very high expectations for you and so far you have lived up to them mightily. 

Weight Loss
The last couple of months I took a crack at the weight loss thing, only to abandon it after two weeks each time. Whenever there was a party, a bad mood, or pretty much any impulse to eat instead of not eat, I'd be like

This is hard!

I really want to lose weight though. I don't like seeing the scale move up so drastically. The beginning of the year I weighed 200 lbs. In March I weighed 210. By April, 215. By May 220, and by July 232 lbs and oh my God. I felt so badly at this weight.  

The sleep apnea was unreal and my menstrual cycle was like, "Haha, we're not going to be regular anymore." And when I would complain about it people would be like, "Are you pregnant?" And I was like ... 

The last time I was in the two-thirties my menstrual cycle was so awful to me that I had to go to the emergency room a few times.  So yeah, I have a reason to not want to be at this weight. I hate having to explain why weight loss is always a goal of mine as part of of a healthy lifestyle but whatever.

Well as of this morning, after weighing 231 on Friday I am back in the 220's and I'm hoping to get back into the 210's by September.  Don't let me down, August.

House Cleaning
You know that hair pie and mysterious orange stain in your shower?  Gone.

Clothes off the living room floor? Moved.

Gross kitty condo in the dining room.  Is now in the living room where the gross part is hidden by cute human furniture.

Netflix and Youtube set up in the back room TV so you can get your workout on? You betcha. 

Keep going, August. You are living the dream.

Mental Health
Previous reaction to bad things happeningsobbing my eyes out and wanting to drive off a cliff Thelma and Louise style.

Current reaction to bad things happeningyelling at confronting people who cause the bad things that happen.

You go, August version of you. So far this month you yelled at the stupid bitch who tried to bully you after you pointed out her incessant gum snapping at the supermarket, you confronted an associate who was yelling at you and trying to make you look bad when you were in the right, and you took a compliment from the big boss when he said, "You handled this meeting very well and kept the meeting on track.  The vendor was confused and you were not and you guided others.Good job" You are doing great at this keeping your cool thing and it is only been August for a couple of days.

Last year, August version of me, you let life punch you out. That is not happening this year. This year you are saying fuck you and I like that.

My favorite way to say, "Fuck you!" is with a darling grin.

To wrap it up, August, you are going to get thin and gorgeous, stay super organized, and be the sassy bitch that you are and nobody will be able to bring you down.

So don't judge yourself for writing a whole letter to a unit of time.  That's awesome.


Edit: After the fact now I realize I'd like to participate in a link up. I praised the month of August so far for being good to me and I didn't even know the link up was going to be about gratitude!  I love how that fits!  So if you're reading this, go link up, linky linky linky, read some new blogs.  New blogs are my favorite! - J

Ember Grey


  1. Replies
    1. August better listen or it will have a visit and the visitor will be like SANTIAGO SENT ME and it will destroy August and bury its body in the lazy river.

  2. I'm SO happy you linked up today!! :) Lady- congrats on your weight loss!!!!! It sounds like you are rocking it, which is so inspiring to me to get healthy too. August is going to be a great month for you because YOU are making it so!!

    1. I really like linking up and finding new blogs to read. It's rad!

      Getting healthy is so important. I feel really committed this time -- I'm using My Fitness Pal which I usually cannot stand because the idea of tracking my food used to make me feel resentful. But right now it's actually helping me plan my meals and remember to eat. You don't want to forget to eat because then you get super hungry and something insanely easy to eat but not really all that satisfying, like an entire box of cereal, will be what you end up eating and it's like noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

      But seriously, that is exactly what is happening. Part of it is that I feel really fearless, like instead of letting life's stresses ruin my life they might ruin my five minutes or something!

  3. You are hilarious.
    Those gifs were perfect and stole years off my life, but it was worth it.
    Good luck on the rest of August-- I need to start modeling mine after yours, I haven't done anything very productive yet, other than get out of bed a few times.

    1. I am hilarious?!? Thank you! FYI a friend I grew up with msg'd me over the weekend to let me know that she absolutely riveted by your blog. :D

      Getting out of bed is good! I think what helped me was drastically lowering my expectations until I found something I could reasonably stick with. And also learning I get amusement out of saying fuck a lot.