Friday, August 8, 2014

I still make time for gratitude no matter what anyone says about my attitude.

First, I am thrilled today is Friday. Really. Between our A/C being on the blink to being swamped at work, I cannot stop fantasizing about hammocks, ice cold lemonade and a good book. And if not that then my couch, a glass of water, and Buzz Feed articles with cute baby animals in them.

I do not want to seem unappreciative for my week though, so I will make time to be grateful. Here are some things I am grateful for today.

1. Bipolar Disorder
I am grateful that my treatment for bipolar disorder continues to do its job. My mood changes are not severe, my thoughts do not race as much as they used to, and I have not seriously considered suicide in a couple of months.

How am I feeling? Extreme.  I still feel extreme. When I am happy it is extremely happy. When I am annoyed I feel extremely annoyed. When I feel relaxed, you guessed it, I feel extremely relaxed.

What is new? One new thing that has happened in the last week is that I am not afraid of confrontations.  Suddenly I feel very excited about the possibility of a confrontation and it makes me feel very childish. I feel like I have a lot of pent up anger and that I need to use my powers for good, not evil. At the same time, it is nice that instead of bursting into tears the second someone gives me a hard time I am able to hold back my tears and give a smart remark.  I think that is a sane balance I can maintain without much guilt.  It is still a work in progress.

What can I work on? I need to ask for more help. I come from this mindset that I must either do everything for myself or nothing for myself and I am working on a saner balance. Last week I got my husband to help with some chores so I would have time to do other chores and it really lifted my spirits.

2. Fitness
I am grateful that I am finally getting my walks in. Last month I was trying to go the distance with an hour a day of walking, but I quickly became sore and discouraged.  Then I would shame myself for missing a walk because often I could not fit an hour into my busy day. However, I can fit a half an hour a day of Leslie Sansone's 2 Mile Walk. 28 minutes of walking with a 2 minute stretch!

How am I feeling? I feel really proud of myself. It was really getting to me that I was skipping my workouts, so to be able to finish a week full of workouts I planned means a lot to me. What's more I am actually enjoying each workout.  I feel like a child playing and dancing rather than out of shape and old.

What is new? Suddenly I am making snappier, bigger movements leading to a higher impact, higher calorie burning workout.

What can I work on? I can work on vacuuming before my workout. We have a cat and sometimes the carpet feels rough under my bare feet when I march in place.

3. Orange is The New Black
I know I am late to the party, but we watched the entire first season this week. It is something my husband can bond over: his obsession with lesbians and my obsession with crime dramas.

4. Impractical Jokers
After we think prison story lines are going to give us nightmares we have Sal, Q, Joe, and Murr humiliate each other on national TV and all is right with the world.

5. Grace
I am grateful I have not murdered anyone. Everything is getting on my nerves at work lately, from stupid procedures to the nasal voices of my fellow office drones. I am also grateful that if I happen to snap one day that I know someone with a great place for dumping bodies. Now all we need is our private refrigerator so they don't bleed everywhere and it will be the perfect crime.

There. I feel like a much better person now.