Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Shed More Blood! New Moves That Melt Hearts and Guarantee Marriage in Just 9 Years!

Eleven years ago today was interesting. 

I had just started dating my future husband, Greg, two weeks before. This was back when he still lived with his parents while going to college. He invited me to go out with his folks to Chili's at Arundel Mills for dinner, but I was not on time for the date. Greg decided to stick around and hang out with me at home instead and his parents were going to bring us back something delicious. 

So Greg arrived and we went to his house. Our favorite thing to do while casually hanging out was and chilled in his bedroom watching Empty Nest and gabbing. As we were lounging about, we got a phone call. It was his parents saying it was going to take longer than expected and that we should order a pizza. We did ... it was an excellent pizza! I swallowed three whole slices! Back then I was skinny and never ate so this was a superhuman feat. Now? I could eat pizza all day every day. After three slices I want three more slices.

After the pizza eating, we digested while watching Man on the Moon. This was my first viewing and I found the movie wildly perplexing. Andy Kaufman/Jim Carrey's antics seemed entertaining, but if I knew him in real life I think I would want to punch him in the face a little. Greg noticed I was upset and tried to cheer me up by tickling me. He started telling me he loved me and I just grinned and we started roughhousing and kissing and we got carried away and ...


I busted my nose on his forehead when I went to lean in for a cuddle! Or a headbutt. I forgot which!

It was okay but then blood started pouring out into my hand and the shock of it made me start to cry. Greg raced around trying to baby me back into good health, feeling totally guilty and embarrassed. I ran into the bathroom to go bleed into the sink and I looked in the mirror to see my face that was a bloody mess and I cracked up laughing at the sight of more blood than I had ever seen on me in a long time. I looked so terrible! I couldn't stop laughing and that made me bleed even more and made the blood spray everywhere: all over the mirror, sink, and wallpaper. It took forever to clean up. Greg wet a washcloth and washed me off gently and I bled into it, trying really hard not to laugh. He got me ice and anything I needed for the rest of my night, totally mortified at the idea of someone finding out he busted his girlfriend's nose on accident. I couldn't figure out why he didn't think it was as funny as I thought it was. I really couldn't stop laughing and joking about it, even though my nose killed

He kept saying, "How can I laugh at a time like this? My sweetheart busted her nose!" 

He was panicking and I was laughing and neither of us were really helping the situation.

Eventually I calmed down, snickering only a little, and he did too, cuddling me and babying me and reading me funny articles from the National Enquirer and I almost passed out from concussion, because I had one, so he kept me there for an hour or two to make sure I was okay. Then he drove me home and kissed me goodnight gently. 

Anyway, that is the guy I married.

You could not even tell that my nose is that sore. It's just red and there are bloody boogers inside trying to make scabs. Ever since it has been a little out of alignment.  However, this is not the only time my nose has seen trauma. When I was two years old I fell down a flight of concrete stairs.

When I was four I hurt my nose again.  This time I was in costume ready to pop out on stage at my dance recital and do my tap dance routine and my fellow tap dancers were practicing their curtsy. We all held hands and CRACK! (say crack again!) they smashed my face into a brick. I still went on, sobbing, dancing my little heart out. BECAUSE I AM A PROFESSIONAL.

Look how cute I am! I looked like this, only with lots of snot and blood on my face!

I have to tell you this picture gets weirder. Years later my aunt took a photo of my cousin in my hand-me-down costume and then photoshopped her into this photo with me (that's her elbow on the right of my elbow or what I like to call stage left). BUT I HAVE CROPPED HER OUT BECAUSE SHE DID NOT BUST HER NOSE DANCING. Hah!

Edit: Fine here we are; aren't we sweet?


  1. Oh...that is terribly romantic in a painful, bloody kind of way.

    I broke my nose when I was 4 years old and spent most of my life looking like a boxer until I got my deviated septum fixed a few years ago. Nose injuries suck..they really hurt.

    1. It made the evening interesting, that was for sure! Up until that point, I was worried that I would get bored in our relationship. Hah! Hahahahah.