Wednesday, July 30, 2014

How I Secretly Feel About My Life

When I first saw that the title of this link up was "Wednesday Wishes" I thought, "This is right up my alley." 

I am a wisher, a hoper, a dreamer. I sit at home each night, sighing to myself.

"I wish I could stay home tomorrow."

"You always want a day off."

"I do! I want to stay home with you and the soft, furry kitty and hang out."

More often I want a day off to get everything done. How nice it would be to come home to clean floors, laundry done and put away, dinner in the crockpot or ready to heat up and enjoy. The daily pressures of running a household are overwhelming enough that I cannot keep up with the simplest tasks.

When I am at work it's food cravings or random wishes.

"I want macaroni and cheese.  I want Cheetos. I smell eggs.  Eggs sound good; I want eggs. I want to swim in an ocean of scrambled eggs. I want to go swimming. I want to be a synchronized swimmer."

And when I am driving home from work I think to myself, "I wish I could keep driving.  Driving until the nearest, unoccupied ocean. I want to be anonymous in a sea of people.  Just me, a sunset, a drink to my lips and just be."

When I wake up in the night and I am alone the wishes are darker, more intense. They become longings. There's a kind of lovely feeling about waking up in the middle of the night, even if it's because I'm not feeling well. I look outside and the world is still and at rest. The Maryland air's constant wet humidity dries a little and I breathe easier.

I am tired sometimes of wishing and hoping about the future and I'm ready to act on it. I'm taking action on that which I can change. I like that about me.

Overall I am not dissatisfied with my life. I am dissatisfied with my reaction to life. I have all the tools to do the things that make life worth living, but most days I steer towards the easiest solution that sounds great in the short term but does not do much for me in the long term.

Here are my loftiest wishes that seem simple but I have no idea how to grant to myself!

1. I would like to learn how to take magazine worthy photos. Some of my friends are excellent, even expert, photographers and I love their photos. I would love to save up for decent equipment and practice, practice, practice.

2. I want grown up furniture. Nice lamps, some area rugs, something that makes my one-bedroom apartment look like a grown-up lives there. Wayfair is probably why this is happening to me.

3. I want to do that thing where I do all my cooking in advance on Sundays and then have nice meals to heat up all week. 

4. Also on Sundays: I would like to lay out all my clothes for the week into outfits so I can find stuff.

5. On those mythical Sundays where I am simultaneously cooking for the week and having the perfect wardrobe, I would like to lounge about and read a good book all the way through.

Make sure to participate in this week's link up!

Love the Here and Now


  1. Thank you so much for linking up with me! I love your wishes....I often have dreams of Sunday being so productive; just as you wish your is. Sadly it's not. Cooking for the week? Nope. Can barely do one night's cooking. Pick out outfits for the week? No but at least I get the outfit for the next day done. Read? Sure I can do that!!

    I have the fancy camera. Noe I just need someone to teach me how to use it, as well as the time to learn to do so!

    1. I have a digital camera I bought years ago that I've never even taken out of the box! But I want the kind with a tripod so I can be like, "Oooh look at me, look at what I'm wearing, look at my cat, look at me holding my cat!"

      I love to read. I am that weirdo whose bookshelves are organized by color because it just makes me smile.

  2. Yes, to all of these wishes. I managed to realize the dream of bringing myself home and having every day off, so the hammock-and-a-book thing and the learning-to-speak-French thing is working out pretty good. The keeping house and feeling like cooking things are...sort of gone by the wayside, but - whatever.

    Cheers to acting on wishes!! *clink!*

    1. Hey, my student loans will be paid off by the time I am 60! Oh lord. Will there still be French when I am 60????

    2. Mais bien sûr, ma chérie. You can come visit me there. :D